Secretly

I look at you, secretly.
Your face, your smile, your heart of gold shining through.

I listen to you, secretly.
The way you talk, the way you laugh, even the sound of you breathing.

I dream of you, secretly.
Sweet, romantic, out of this world episodes.

I befriended time, to wait for you to look my way.
I befriended chance, for you to see me as I am.
I want to let it out, but I can't.
I never knew how.
All those things I'm afraid you'll never know,
Cos I love you, secretly.

Layered

A person is like layered cake. Sometimes they look so delectable, with fluffy white frosting, glistening red strawberries and colorful sprinkles. However, inside, the may hide the most bitter chocolate cake ever. Or the blackest burned cake ever. Or it grows fungus that can possibly harm you.  

A person is like layered cake. They can look unappetizing. Messy frosting, dull strawberries and broken sprinkles. But once you get a taste of it, it has the most moist cake ever. The sweetness of the fruits is just right. The cream is light and delicious. The sprinkles are tutti-fruity.  

It's an old saying, but it's almost always true. You can't really judge someone out of their outer layer. A person can have the prettiest, most handsome exterior, but has a heart of evil. A person can look so composed and happy, but hides the most tragic stories. A person can look so haggard and battered, but posses a heart of gold. 

Look through their masquerade, straight through their heart. See how they interact with someone inferior than they are. Observe how the treat elders. Then, you'll see what a person is really made off. Then, you won't regret a single judgment formed in your mind. 

♥

Why do I have a heart? Unlike others, every beat of my heart is a sharp thrust, stabbing me over and over again. A heart should be your source of life. Mine? It's a source of pain.

I remember when the thought came into mind. It was when I saw your face as you look at her. When I hear your voice as you said goodnight to her. When I saw your eyes that twinkles at mere sight of her. When I hear you laugh at the most ordinary things she said.

From that day on, I started to curse the existence of my heart. I started to despise the amount of love it has, because it came with an even bigger amount of hurt and ended with the biggest amount of hatred.

I've tried to find a cure, something to heal or to fix this devastating condition. But it's as if I'm living a groundhog day. Every time my heart swells with love, soaring through the sky of happiness, it always came crushing down, pound and broken and not salvageable. No cure, nothing, can heal or fix it, let-alone make it whole again.

Today, I'm living each day holding my battered heart. Praying for a different day, a different outcome. Hoping for someone who've seen how my heart is but accept it anyway. Hoping for someone kind enough not to break it. Hoping for someone strong enough to protect it. Hoping that... somewhere out there... that someone exists.

Sometimes

Sometimes
at the end of the day I want to say "I'm tired."
But, no, I couldn't.
I have no right to complain.

Sometimes
when everything gets too tough I want to say "help me."
But, no, I couldn't.
I don't deserve any help.

At the dead of night, at my most fragile moment,
I'll allow myself to cry and feel the pain that's overwhelming my heart,
clenching my chest and sob away.

Though when the sun arise I have to put my bravest face on.
I'll stood tall for everyone to see that I'm up for whatever challenge.
And let them be oblivious of the little girl inside, crowing with fear.

Living is hard enough without being weak.
Had to walk headlong into a storm without direction nor guidance.
Therefore, I'll allow the tears sometimes.
Only sometimes.

Used To Tears

I said I don't want to see you.
I said I got more important things to do.
I fooled you, didn't I?

I said I don't care.
I said I can bear.
I fooled you, didn't I?

I said I don't love you.
I said everything isn't true.
I fooled you, didn't I?

The truth struggling to break free, wanted so bad to reach you.
These eyes trying to make me see, that all I ever wanted is you.
But something shackled me, clouding my mind.
A thing called fear of being brokenhearted and left behind.

If you can't see through it all,
I'm fine to take the fall.
Because despite the fears,
I've gotten so used to tears.

Gary Barlow - Dying Inside

The Dark Side of the Moon

Look at me, and what do you see?

Someone who's carefree, relax, without a care in the world.

Behind closed door it was the very opposite.

I'm heart-broken and sad.

Do you see me smiling?

A warm and sweet smile from the heart.

Away from prying eyes I cried,

I'm hurt and dying inside.

That cheerful voice you hear?

Is a mere facade.

Because every time darkness descends,

I'm crying myself to sleep every night.

My heart is the dark side of the moon.

Everything you will see is only the surface.

There's a part of me that will be forever hidden.

A part that isn't known to any soul.

I tried my best not to be noticed.

Putting a veil to my truest feelings and emotions.

For me and my heart and my mind and my life

No one but me who truly cares. 

Dying Inside - Gary Barlow

...

"Is the world really beautiful?" she asks.

"Of course. If you only see it that way, you will see that the world really is beautiful."

She thought deeply. "I was told about it many, many times. But how come I could never, not even once, see it that way? For the world I know is the world of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness. The world who is always against me, where nothing is on my side and nothing is right."

...

"Are we really worthy of something?" she asks.

"Of course. If you only love yourself, you'll see that you are worthy of everything. You are priceless."

She thought deeply. "I got scolded for being worthless and useless so many times to count. People call me names, bad ones, and laugh at my face. They compared me with others and said that I'm lacking. That I lack everything. I was treated as if I'm nothing."

...

"Is love for everybody?" she asks.

"Of course. Love comes for everyone. In every heart love always lives."

She thought deeply. "I guess I miss out on it. Because I don't feel it, I don't know how it is and I don't know what it is. I'm not even sure I have a heart nor feelings, no such things in me. In a place where heart lies, I only have a hollow black pit."

...