Good vs Evil

Can we make mistakes without being aware of it?
Out of the blue taking the hit?

Trying to live life as someone good, nice, kind
might no longer be enough
People now play a game of mind
and the loser had it rough.

Evil is a real deal.
It makes people incapable to feel.
When greedy has consume.
They won't even blink in causing gloom.

Is being generous out of date?
Do we have to be all suspicious and planting hate?
Because if evil is not an illusion.
Should we live in a world where kindness is on a brink of extinction?

The Great Pretender

I have a book full of stories. Filled with smile, laughter, tears, sadness. All my life, not even once have I let anyone take a peak, let-alone read through the pages.
I have live my whole life as two very different person. One for everyone to see, and one only for myself to keep. No matter how kind someone is to me, I've never let them know what is really going on inside.
Through the years I've learn to masked my sadness with anger. Through the years I have learn to concealed my tears in a smile. I can laugh while crying inside. I can smile while being stabbed and bleed to death.
You can say that, just like the famous old song, I am the great pretender. Nothing shows, nothing came through. I will remain a mystery to everyone.
I have often asked myself: "Why?"
I have often find an answer: "I'm scared and I'm scarred."
Once, I've shown my true self to another soul. I let everything float on the surface with hopes that they'd understand, that they'd be my rock through it all. But I only got everything thrown right back at me. Saw them cowered with fear, sneer with disgust and mock with pity. The shock of my life it was. From then on, I have sworn to myself not to repeat the same mistake again. Not to be persuaded by anything ever again.
Yes, call me a great pretender. Look in my eyes and you won't see what's true and what's not. For I will forever remain a mystery.

Secretly

I look at you, secretly.
Your face, your smile, your heart of gold shining through.

I listen to you, secretly.
The way you talk, the way you laugh, even the sound of you breathing.

I dream of you, secretly.
Sweet, romantic, out of this world episodes.

I befriended time, to wait for you to look my way.
I befriended chance, for you to see me as I am.
I want to let it out, but I can't.
I never knew how.
All those things I'm afraid you'll never know,
Cos I love you, secretly.

Layered

A person is like layered cake. Sometimes they look so delectable, with fluffy white frosting, glistening red strawberries and colorful sprinkles. However, inside, the may hide the most bitter chocolate cake ever. Or the blackest burned cake ever. Or it grows fungus that can possibly harm you.  

A person is like layered cake. They can look unappetizing. Messy frosting, dull strawberries and broken sprinkles. But once you get a taste of it, it has the most moist cake ever. The sweetness of the fruits is just right. The cream is light and delicious. The sprinkles are tutti-fruity.  

It's an old saying, but it's almost always true. You can't really judge someone out of their outer layer. A person can have the prettiest, most handsome exterior, but has a heart of evil. A person can look so composed and happy, but hides the most tragic stories. A person can look so haggard and battered, but posses a heart of gold. 

Look through their masquerade, straight through their heart. See how they interact with someone inferior than they are. Observe how the treat elders. Then, you'll see what a person is really made off. Then, you won't regret a single judgment formed in your mind. 

♥

Why do I have a heart? Unlike others, every beat of my heart is a sharp thrust, stabbing me over and over again. A heart should be your source of life. Mine? It's a source of pain.

I remember when the thought came into mind. It was when I saw your face as you look at her. When I hear your voice as you said goodnight to her. When I saw your eyes that twinkles at mere sight of her. When I hear you laugh at the most ordinary things she said.

From that day on, I started to curse the existence of my heart. I started to despise the amount of love it has, because it came with an even bigger amount of hurt and ended with the biggest amount of hatred.

I've tried to find a cure, something to heal or to fix this devastating condition. But it's as if I'm living a groundhog day. Every time my heart swells with love, soaring through the sky of happiness, it always came crushing down, pound and broken and not salvageable. No cure, nothing, can heal or fix it, let-alone make it whole again.

Today, I'm living each day holding my battered heart. Praying for a different day, a different outcome. Hoping for someone who've seen how my heart is but accept it anyway. Hoping for someone kind enough not to break it. Hoping for someone strong enough to protect it. Hoping that... somewhere out there... that someone exists.

Sometimes

Sometimes
at the end of the day I want to say "I'm tired."
But, no, I couldn't.
I have no right to complain.

Sometimes
when everything gets too tough I want to say "help me."
But, no, I couldn't.
I don't deserve any help.

At the dead of night, at my most fragile moment,
I'll allow myself to cry and feel the pain that's overwhelming my heart,
clenching my chest and sob away.

Though when the sun arise I have to put my bravest face on.
I'll stood tall for everyone to see that I'm up for whatever challenge.
And let them be oblivious of the little girl inside, crowing with fear.

Living is hard enough without being weak.
Had to walk headlong into a storm without direction nor guidance.
Therefore, I'll allow the tears sometimes.
Only sometimes.

Used To Tears

I said I don't want to see you.
I said I got more important things to do.
I fooled you, didn't I?

I said I don't care.
I said I can bear.
I fooled you, didn't I?

I said I don't love you.
I said everything isn't true.
I fooled you, didn't I?

The truth struggling to break free, wanted so bad to reach you.
These eyes trying to make me see, that all I ever wanted is you.
But something shackled me, clouding my mind.
A thing called fear of being brokenhearted and left behind.

If you can't see through it all,
I'm fine to take the fall.
Because despite the fears,
I've gotten so used to tears.

Gary Barlow - Dying Inside