Dear You

Dear you,
It's been a little over a year since you've gone. I still couldn't believe it. The pain of losing you is still too raw. The tears of longing for you still welled in my eyes.
Dear you,
You were my whole life. My childhood, my teen, and my adolescent. All of my first, you were there, witnessing, being my partner in crime. My story is your story, and your story is mine.
Dear you,
It's been a little over a year since I last saw you. It was a hunch that brought me there, to your deathbed. Somehow, I knew I was going to have to say goodbye, though I didn't do it. How could I? I gripped tight the tiniest of hope left, encouraging you to fight. But deep inside I repeatedly say, "Go, if you have to."
Dear you,
You left me here. You left me with abundant of beautiful memories. Memories that resurface every now and then, and makes me smile or cry. 
Dear you,
Even though you're no longer here, your place in my heart has been permanently sealed, because no one can fill it but you. Forever, you'll always be half of my soul. And maybe, if I can be an angel on earth like you were, we can meet again, be soulmates again, in a much, much better place.

For you, 08 May 1984 - 03 February 2018

U.N.k.n.o.w.n.

There was the unknown
there but not seen
there but not heard
there but not felt
there but not exist

There was the unknown
walking around aimlessly
reaching about uselessly
gripping hard and slipping away

The unknown is one and will only be one.
Alone in nothingness.
There were never light.
Darkness and silence are the only assurance.

The Unknown

When the world shrank so small into four walls.
When words are meaningless, blurted out just for the sake of saying something.
When promises has no meaning, a cheap consolation full of ingenuity.
When laughter got so hollow, thrown just to fill the quietness.
Sweet dream is even scarier than nightmare, blissfulness that becomes devastation when you're awake. When you realize that every happiness was, indeed, just a dream.
What is worth fighting for has either slowly but firmly taken from your grip, or pulled away from you so fast you can't even think.
The air got thinner and thinner and your breath becomes more shallow every second.
Darkness claims, covering your entire vision, leaving you alone in a place you couldn't even see.
With nothing to help you and no one to save you.
Your only friend is the prayer you constantly whisper to yourself.
Even that may slowly whither away....

Reality Beckoned

There were good days, I think
Leisurely days where we dance and sing
Days where smiling isn't a task
Times when laughter isn't a mask
Moments where happiness is real
When we can actually feel.

If those days exist, I have no recollection
Only thoughts of hesitation
Whether it was there
Or only a mirage in a land that's bare

Dare I not to dream even a second
A different thing reality beckoned
For I see nothing but darkness thick as tar
Something to wish upon from afar
Light I do not know
Happiness is just a distant glow

Never

Life is a constant battle she rarely wins.
Pound and broken, crashed and burned, she was never on the victory end.
She rise above only to let people knocked her out.
She rise above, help people rise higher, only to be knocked down again.
Floundering for help that she never gets.
Screaming for assistance she would never have.
She's running out of steam.
She's devastated.
Soon
She's going to be no more.

A Fairy's Lament

I am a fairy.
Living in an endless night sky.
With a pair of wings as my company.
I travel, not from places to places.
Instead, I wander between clouds.
Stopping is never an option.
For when I stop, all my power vanished,
taken away from me and not to return again.
Along the way I found people, faces.
Either I or them is the passerby, I do not know.
None stay, none come along.
I am a fairy.
Sent to set the stars twinkling,
and go around all over again.
Stopping is never an option.
For once I stop, I ceased of meaning.

A Letter to A Withering Flower

Dear flower,
I know this awful climate has hit you hard. You've stumbled and have been trying to get up but couldn't fully stand on your own yet. I've witnessed how you struggle to keep it together and barely made it.

But how I'm surprised when one day I saw how everything really affects you. It's as if you're losing your roots, ever so slowly, on life. Being thrown to so many rough winds and heavy rains, you feel as if you're alone in a hollow empty world.

I came and shook you. I have to. I couldn't let you drown in an obscure hole in the ground. I couldn't watch you sink without offering you a hand, something to grab on.

Dear flower,
It may seems as if I treat you harshly. But keep in mind that I do it for you and only for your own sake. You're withering, and I need to stop it from drying you up completely. I may offer you a hand, but my goal is for you to stand tall and proud on your own, blooming beautiful flowers all year round regardless of stormy winds and raging hurricane.

Dear flower,
Trouble will never ceased to came by and ruin things. But if you have your root firmly planted to the ground, nothing can shook you off your core. Like everything, this too shall pass. Nothing is destined to be forever. But if you ever feel tired of hanging on to your petals, just know that my hand will always be near. I will only be a holler away.

Alone we can stand tall. Together we can conquer everything.