Not Good Enough

I thought I have made you proud. I thought my effort has paid off. I rise, I fall, I rise again, it's all for you. I've been trying to live my life well, all for you. I've been through hurricanes of life, yes, I have. I never told you my problems, my heartaches, my broken dreams, or about the days I spent in my room, silently crying. It would only be a burden, something unnecessary for you to think about, since your mind is already full of things.
I admit that I fell so hard the last time, I never got the chance to fully recover yet. But I didn't stand still. I didn't just sit, whining and complaining, mourning. I fight back. I give my all to get up again, inch by inch. It hurts when no one seem to understand my struggle in life. I've tried and I'm still trying... But why are you looking at me as if my life is over? As if I have given up on life and refuse to get to my old self? I am fully responsible with my own life, and I'm handling that responsibility the best I can do.
Support... that's all I need. Can't you see? It's killing me! Your rejection, your anger... all towards the things I'm fighting for.
I may look like I'm alright on my own. An ignorant to the outside world. But I need someone to support me. I need someone to tell me that I'm doing the right thing. I need someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright.
Nothing in my life is easy. I used to think you know me well, but now, somehow, I doubt that. You want me to make you happy and I want that as much as you do. But how? No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to reach the goal. It gets harder and harder to do.
I need to make you happy. I must! But I want my own happiness too. If I can reach for it, how could I possibly survive? Isn't my happiness matters to you too? Is it?
All I'm feeling now is that I'm not good enough. Nothing I've done is good enough. Nothing....