I Never Exist

I'm good at running. Running from my problems. Running from my life.
I'm good at hiding. Hiding from my family, my friends and, basically, the whole world.
I'm good at lying. I never even blink an eye whenever I tell lies.
I'm good at pretending. Pretending that everything's okay when it's absolutely not.
I'm good at denying. Denying my sadness, my anger, my feelings.

I'm good at this and that and a million different things, I'm basically an expert.
But when it comes to love, I'm helpless, I'm powerless and I'm the biggest fool.
Love leaves no space for me to slip in. Love pushed me away every second and made me the only outsider.
I'm incapable of loving and being loved. To love, I never exist.

Dear God

Dear God,
Will you be angry if I tell You that I'm tired?
Life is a struggle, a never-ending battle. But can I, once in a while, give in to fatigue?
I'm not giving up. I'll work hard and harder.
I'm not complaining, but time and time again I found my mind is as exhausted as my body.

Dear God,
Will you be angry if I tell You that I'm tired?
Everything I do is for my loved ones.
Stay true to the words of pray I've told you while in tears.
I am very grateful of all that You gave me.

Dear God,
Will you be angry if I tell You that I'm tired?
It feels like everyone is moving forward, while I'm staying put.
People gone places, while my feet is planted to the ground.
Learning new things while my time stood still.

Dear God,
Will you be angry if I tell You that I'm tired?
I only wish, I only pray for that little bit of change.
A chance, an opportunity to do things for me and me only.
My time to stop looking out the window and just be outside.

Dear God, please don't be angry. All I want is to live my life.